We are all dancing through life with the Divine, whether we know it or not. Our lives are never static, and we know that the Universe is always orchestrating symphonies that move us emotionally. Each chapter is similar to a melody that incorporates the unique notes we need to acknowledge, to recognize the rhythm and magic that guides our movement and aligns us with the flow of life.
As we move through life, we can orchestrate our journey through our choices. Will we complain about not knowing the steps? Will we improvise and go along with the flow? Will we learn basic universal moves like the two-step and pray that no one notices because we are trying to blend in with the crowd? Will we fake it till we make it? What will we do, and who will we be? The Divine equips us to choose our response to the circumstances of our reality. These circumstances have been placed on our journey and lead us to navigate the unconscious feelings and fears that bubble to the surface of our minds and can induce feelings of emotional paralysis, like a form of stage fright.
When dancing with the Divine, it can be hard to allow Him to lead. Our insistent self may try to take charge and pridefully lead the way. It may be hard to trust that there is a Higher Power at play who sees more than what we can see and knows more than what we know. We think we can do it all by ourselves forgetting that our dance with the Divine is for His glory and not our own. As someone who has tried to take charge of the choreography of her life, who never listened to the tune or who paid attention to the rhythm, there have been many occasions where I should have swallowed my pride and allowed God to lead. I was stubborn, arrogant, young, naive and I truthfully needed a little egg on my face to recognize that it is by God’s grace and guidance that you make it through the recital of your life.
For years, I thought I had all the answers. I assumed I could control my life and plan. At this point, five and ten-year plans do not work for me. In theory, they are great but life is too unpredictable to know what will transpire in the next decade. When I look back to who I was in 2014 I can see I am not the person I used to be (Thank God for growth). When I was 19 years old, I was a living, breathing ball of anxiety. I was constantly nervous, fearful and apprehensive. I struggled to trust the process of life and often felt misunderstood. Truthfully, I did not know or understand myself nor did I have a close relationship with God. I was not seeking Him daily and had been overly influenced by the world’s way of doing things. I had been programmed to follow the crowd and try and do things on my own accord instead of seeking God’s guidance and wisdom in quiet moments of prayer and meditation. I was not listening. I was marching around trying to do things according to my will instead of aligning with God’s Will for my life. And this cost me my sense of peace, serenity, trust and joy.
I was in a constant state of dis-ease. I was not doing well in my university courses. I was not getting along with my family. I was moody and frustrated and complained a lot. I did not know how to surrender or trust because it felt foreign. In hindsight, I think that 2014 was all about humility. I experienced a massive ego death and had to face the shadow aspects of my personality. I saw parts of myself that I never could have imagined existed. My insecurities surfaced. It was hard to accept that the facade I had built was crumbling and the inauthentic parts of me were demolished. I could not hide anymore. My harsh, judgemental voice needed to be addressed with compassion and love.
When I was a teenager in high school, I had deep fears of growing up to be the worst version of myself. It was a fear that haunted me because it followed me everywhere and made me constantly question whether I was a good person. Every mistake I made, whether big or small, brought up personal concerns about my worth and value. I was always waiting to be reprimanded by someone for messing up and could not see myself as an authority figure when making decisions. I was a chronic people-pleaser and it led me down a path of being used and abused. 2014 was a messy year. It challenged me and I had to come face to face with my shadow. I could not run or hide and had to accept that some aspects of my spirit needed work. My heart was bruised and my soul was a little rough around the edges. Both my heart and soul were longing for healing, joy and peace. The thing about being a people-pleaser is that you do not have your own back. You go through life without any boundaries and create a co-dependency paradigm. You allow others to use you (no, I am not victim blaming) because you have not developed a strong inner knowing that you are your hero. You are the protagonist. You are the main character of your life. By waiting for others to save you, you do yourself a massive disservice and rob yourself of the opportunity to witness your power and resolve. Expecting others to save you is not the remedy. The remedy is your wound. The remedy is you turn towards yourself and pour all the love, healing and joy into your aching heart through prayer and allowing Him to lead.
We know that everything is energy and has frequency and vibration. We also know that “like attracts like”. When I was 20, my life was a mess because I was depressed and anxious. I did not know that my purpose was service. I embodied a victim consciousness and took no ownership of my reality. But hitting rock bottom postured my heart towards God and I finally allowed Him to guide me to my power and peace. I had to learn what God says about me and the promises He made over my life. I had to lean in.
He gave me access to all the spiritual, emotional and psychological resources that I needed. During this period, I stepped into a season of respite and rest. I received love and support. I was protected by angelic forces and given hope and faith to continue living.
Ten years ago, I was at my lowest. There was pain and melancholy. But that valley was necessary in showing me that I am nothing without God. All this makes me think about God’s Will for our lives and His benevolence. He sees everything. He has the power to discern what is in every heart and knows when you are at risk of wrecking yourself. He knows the way. He knows all the steps. Through prayer and meditation, I can create a sense of synergy between Him and me that transcends the bondage of this material realm. A sense of knowing and trust developed between us that can be compared to two dancers who understand one another so deeply that they can predict the movement and energy of their partner.
Ten years ago, I was trying to get others to give me what I needed. Those needs could only be fulfilled by God. As I embark on my 30th twirl around the sun I have reflected on my relationship with God. God taught me to ground myself through gratitude and appreciate my intrinsic worth. He equipped me with the knowledge that I was precious and treasured in His eyes. He instilled a belief that I have the power to tell a new story. He taught me that I can co-create a beautiful life, one far more glorious than the life I was living and step into my purpose. He helped me see my Higher Self, who only ever wanted the best for me. He cleared the stage and lovingly called me to dance with the Divine.
“Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances. ” – Maya Angelou
